I have myself experienced Narcissistic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Addiction, Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts and Self-Harm.
For me, it started five years ago. I was in despair, nothing made sense and I felt lost and alone. I reached the point where I needed help to get away from the abusive relationship, I was in. I left the UK and went to Australia, where I studied and qualified as a Counsellor.
During that period, I went through a journey of self-discovery and healing, and attended and completed Narcissistic Abuse courses. Due to my awful experiences, followed by the joy of overcoming them, I made it my mission in life to help others going through the same experiences. I know how hard it is. I know what it is to feel hopeless.
I can help you to overcome the pain you are feeling and guide you onto a path that will give you back control of your life. I know, from my own experience, that when you attend your first counselling session, it can be daunting with many thoughts racing through your mind. I help to make it a comfortable experience.
My clients know I am one of them, I’m not just a counsellor. Everyone’s experiences are different, everyone deserves to be happy and be given a chance to live their best life. I now dedicate my working life to helping others and providing the support for people that are suffering.
- Brainspotting Qualification: Trained in Brainspotting
- Professional Body: BACP
- Works with: Adults
- Other Specialist Areas: Narcissistic Abuse / Coercive Control Specialist
Sometimes we do not even realise we have been abused. We have that gut instinct telling us that that something is not quite right, but putting your finger on one specific thing can be hard. Narcissists have many different faces. At the beginning you feel like you have met the most incredible person, your soul mate. They have all the same interests as you and like everything you do and plan the future you have always dreamed of – this is called future faking and mirroring. Narcissists watch and listen to everything you say and pretend they are the same. You fall in love with yourself. The love bombing stage is where they hook you in and push your boundaries to see how much you will take. They will flatter you with affection, gifts, compliments and before you know it, they have told you they have fallen in love with you.
Narcissists are very quick movers they want you under their spell quickly. Due to this stage being all an act, it’s very exhausting for them to be so nice all the time. Once they know they’ve got you where they want you, they then start to control and manipulate you into being who they want you to be. Their mask starts to slip, you start to see their true colours.
You may notice small things at first, such as them going through your phone, checking your social media and questioning who you are friends with and why. Narcissists are very clever and plant seeds in your head to make you question yourself and your beliefs. They talk to you in a passive aggressive way, which starts making you doubt yourself. Before you know it your circle of friends starts to diminish, they have isolated you from your loved ones. You find yourself walking on eggshells around them to ensure you keep them happy. On the outside you are wearing a smile, but inside you are screaming. You start asking yourself who is this person and now and again the Narcissist will give a little glimpse of what they were like in the beginning, giving you hope that the amazing person is still there. This is where you have been trauma bonded.
You live in hope that they will return to the amazing person they showed you in the beginning and allow yourself to be put through hell just to have few moments of happiness. This is where you have become addicted to this type of “love”. When the Narcissist is nice to you and gives you affection you get a high (your fix) from it, which effects the same part of the brain as drugs or alcohol do, releasing chemicals making you feel good.
This cycle will continue, it never gets better. The Narcissist will then “gas light” you, pulling away and withdrawing all attention to you and leaving you to wonder that you’ve done wrong and you’ll experience very bad withdrawals. This is all part of their plan.
A Narcissist’s intention is to destroy you. They do not love you like you love them. Narcissists have no empathy and feel no remorse for how they treat you, in fact they feel entitled to treat you this way.
To a Narcissist you are their supply for validation, power and control, they need to feel validated and told how wonderful they are, which is why Narcissists are very rarely faithful in relationships, one person can’t give them all the validation and attention they crave because they are empty inside.
Before you know it, you are not the person you used to be, your identity has been robbed and you’re left wondering how you got here by the person who claims to love you so much.
Recovering from a Narcissistic relationship is extremely difficult but not impossible. As soon as the Narcissist feels you are getting stronger they will turn on the charm to hoover you back in, promise to change and before you know it you are back in the cycle of abuse. Narcissistic abuse is deadly, it can kill you!
In some cases Narcissists push their victims so much that one day the victim snaps and lashes out, resulting in the Narcissist being able to play the victim and make out it is in fact them that’s been abused to everyone on the outside. Narcissists are liars they will say and do anything to get their own way.